


Sometimes It's Not Enough

by Jaquapi



Category: Magisterium Series - Holly Black & Cassandra Clare
Genre: And that I love to kill myself with heartbreaking ideas, Angst, I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good, M/M, tumblr drabble
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-30
Updated: 2015-08-30
Packaged: 2018-04-18 00:08:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4685276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaquapi/pseuds/Jaquapi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>For magisteriumcalron on Tumblr and that sad headcanon your friend thought of, this is dedicated to you. I know, this is probably hella OOC and I'm sorry and I've honestly just tried and...yeah.</p><p>Here's the link to what they wrote: http://magisteriumcalron.tumblr.com/post/127829902600/angst</p><p>I really tried my best at some angst and I may have ruined myself writing this but....just tell em what you think about it. Please, all comments and kudos are welcomed</p></blockquote>





	Sometimes It's Not Enough

“I’m sorry, but I don’t feel that way for you. I think we should just stay friends.”

 

Call was using all his power not to let his voice crack, sending the fractures down to his heart. It felt like someone dropped a million tons on his shoulders as he watched Aaron’s face sink, looking completely heartbroken as Call felt. Call’s hands, jammed in his pockets, curled tightly into trembling fists to keep himself from reaching out and giving the boy a hug, any kind of comfort. Aaron stared at the ground, unsure how to react or what to say.

 

Aaron rubbed the nape of his neck, other hand still behind his back. “Oh…” he managed to croak. No, no, why was he doing this to him? What was Call doing? “I just thought...It’s ok, I mean, yeah. We could stay friends, if that’s what you want.”

 

No, it wasn’t, it really wasn’t what he actually wanted, but he nodded stiffly. “Yes, it is.” No, not at all.

 

Aaron’s green eyes were glassy as he was able to look at Call for one moment, before shakily answering, “Alright." He didn't looked alright at all. "I’ll see you at dinner.” It sounded like a promise he wasn’t going to keep. And with that, he turned to leave. As he walked away, Call nearly choked when he saw a single red tulip dangling from his limp hand. The flash of blond hair and red disappeared into the shadows, leaving Call with his thoughts. Call wanted to scream, slap himself for being stupid and insensitive and a cruddy friend. He did none of that.  

 

His legs moved automatically, trudging back to the dorm he shared with both Tamara and Aaron, the sounds and walls around him merging into a blur. He vanished into his bedroom, ignoring the forgotten flower on the coffee table. Call collapsed into the mound of pillows, not even bothering to pull off his boots and finally let the tears run down. Havoc whimpered at his distress, hopping onto the mattress and curling up next to him, comforting him.

 

Like what he should've done when he decided to grab into Aaron's chest and rip his heart out. He sobbed a little harder, trying not to accept the furry solace when he never gave the same.

 

Why did he push Aaron away? He’s had a crush on the blond boy for a while now, even longer once he looked back at it. They’d been through hell together, a lot of it, and since day one of all this mage stuff, since the Iron Trial, he realized Aaron’s always been there. He still remembered when they were twelve, and it all started with a smile. Aaron in his soccer jacket and looking like a total jock and smiling at the freak behind him like he was genuinely happy Call was there. Maybe he was. Even after Call made a complete mess of himself with the whole pen incident and Aaron almost got caught in the splash zone, Call failing the tests at a whole new level with everyone, even his current friends, looking down at him like he was some monster, Aaron hung back to talk to him, try to raise his spirits even if Call didn’t want it. He didn’t want to get close to any mage and he sure didn’t want to get close to Aaron with his Captain America, goody two-shoes, perfect attitude.

 

But he started spending time with him, mostly forced because they were in the same apprentice group as well as Tamara, now also his other best friend. After some screw ups and mistakes forgiven, they all began to become friends. They joked together and ate together and trained together and ended up as a tight knit group. When he agreed to become Aaron's human counterweight after the discovery of Aaron being a Makar, they both saw something more that they never noticed before. And soon, he felt himself liking the other boy, a crush or true love, either way, Call was sure he really messed up this time.

 

He’d always known what it’d feel like to love someone who didn’t feel the same for you. Earth shattering, tear jerking, gut wrenching pain, like someone was slowly torturing you and you could fight back, but you didn't. You laid back and accepted the pain because you might as well have caused it.

 

It was even worse when they did like you back because now, Call had to back off, pretend it wasn’t like that. Pretend he didn’t like Aaron no more than “just a friend”. He even had a suspicion Aaron had liked him back, one way or another, and it both overjoyed and terrified him. After all, it was simple, wasn’t it? Two people like each other, they find out, and become a couple who always gets their happily ever after. Sure, maybe a few bumps in the road, a couple obstacles to overcome, but in the end, it'd always work out.

 

 _“Tell them what you are? They’ll bind your magic.”_ Not him again.

 

Shut up.

 

_“They will. If they don’t kill you. They’ll bind your magic and they’ll send you away to a father who knows now, for certain, that he is not your father.”_

 

I don’t want to hear you anymore.

 

_“You’ll lose your friends.”_

 

What do you know?

 

_“Do you really think they’d let you close to their precious Makar, knowing who you are?”_

 

I’m not like that.                      

 

_“They will raise Aaron Stewart to be your enemy.”_

 

I don’t care. Because it’s not true.

 

_“That’s what they’ve been looking for all this time. That is what Aaron is. He is not your companion.”_

 

Stop talking. Leave me alone.

 

_“He is your destruction.”_

 

Shut up!

 

Maybe that's why Call couldn't have a happily ever after. Maybe this was the world's way of punishing him, punishing him for his past life. For the soul living in him that wasn't even his own, the one forced into his body that he wasn't sure was even running the show. For making him love someone who might someday have to kill him, trained to end him, but it wasn't the worst. He wouldn't mind that.  When Aaron was kidnapped and hurt at that bowling alley, it was all because of Call, because Drew wanted to lure him away from the Magisterium. He'd caused Aaron enough pain, enough agony and fear and torment and suffering because of him.

 

 

Death didn't sound so bad after having to break Aaron's and his own heart at the same time.

**Author's Note:**

> For magisteriumcalron on Tumblr and that sad headcanon your friend thought of, this is dedicated to you. I know, this is probably hella OOC and I'm sorry and I've honestly just tried and...yeah.
> 
> Here's the link to what they wrote: http://magisteriumcalron.tumblr.com/post/127829902600/angst
> 
> I really tried my best at some angst and I may have ruined myself writing this but....just tell em what you think about it. Please, all comments and kudos are welcomed


End file.
